Depression Hair
I call this look my depression hair.
It was July 2020, the ‘Rona was in full force in Italy. We couldn’t go anywhere, everything was shut down. Fortunately, my daughter and I were able to still go to the stables and continue our horseback riding and training. I remember, we had to keep a letter from the stable owner in the car to show we were responsible for taking care of the horses, which is why we were on the road driving. If the police pulled you over and you didn’t have a letter stating where you lived and where you were going, you would be hit with a hefty fine.
How did I get here?
I was almost a year into my recovery from having my second back surgery. The yoga and barre classes I taught had been canceled for about four months. Social interaction was completely taken away besides seeing the few people that lived in our Parco. Horseback riding was the only time we went anywhere and it was once a week.
I had been going through these cycles. I wasn’t working out and wasn’t really active and didn’t wash my hair. Everyday, I would just put it up in a bun. When we went riding I would braid it so I could wear my helmet. Each day it would get a little more tangled. Knowing it was going to take some time to brush it out, I put it off. The two herniated discs in my neck that caused pain also kept me resisting to brush out the knots. I knew trying to get the knots out of my wavy hair would cause more pain. Which is why I kept putting it off. This kept happening week after week.
It had been weeks since I washed my hair
One day, the knots became so big and thick, I couldn’t get my riding helmet on. My husband came into the bathroom to see me struggling to brush my hair and tears streaming down my face. Guilt and shame had covered me in a heavy blanket as I told him he was going to have to take our daughter to the stables. Handling my hair became the priority.
I was crying because at that time, I didn’t know how I could let myself get to this point. My hair was gross and nasty, I could smell it. Without doubt, I had put it off for so long, it was a massive undertaking. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to handle. That is when I gave it a name, my depression hair.
The Ripple Effect
After making the video, the feedback IMMEDIATELY came in. Women from all over the world could relate to my video. Some of them said, cleaning their house was like my hair, they struggled. Their mental health was rapidly declining. Some it was their teeth. They hadn’t brushed their teeth in days, weeks, and a few even months. Many cried with me as they watched, they could feel my pain.
It took me a few days to get all of my hair brushed out. I had to take it in small sections. Surprisingly, the messages were still coming in. A few women even hired me to help mentor them.
It was from this video, I was continually asked to create a podcast. They wanted me to share my experience with depression now that it wasn’t a secret.